AdlerTheCourageToBeDisliked7Habits The youth highlights a stereotypical self-absorbed individual:
- Cannot function well in a group setting
- Prefers to work on their own
- Lacks self-reflection
- Fails to be on time
- Fails to keep commitments and promises
This description presents an undesirable mirror to myself, yet the philosopher does not focus on this type of self-centered behavior nor does he present a solution for such behaviors. Instead he identifies that a lack ofSeparationOfTasks is the primary source of self-centeredness.
One’s desire for recognition from others, which is concerned with meeting the expectations of others, is characterized by an attachment toSelf. This desire is actually a mirror, in that one’s pressure to meet other’s expectations mirrors their own expectation of others to meet theirs! This leads one to perceive the world as full of enemies who have let them down in one way or another.
At the core of this mentality is an assumption that one is owed something by others. This principle is one of dependence, and this lesson by the Philosopher leads one towardsIndependence with a inevitable goal ofInterdependence. I believe this goal is equated with what Adler callsCommunityFeeling. This community feeling is tied to a sense of belonging and is acquired, not assumed. This is achieved by a shift to independence, marked by the separation of tasks.
“One needs to think not What will this person give me? but, rather, What can I give to this person?”